A PgAL Love Story

I've been keeping a little secret from my midwife, something I think she would probably tell me isn't good for me.

Oh sweet, affordable, at home doppler... you have saved me from myself.

I haven't told my midwife that I regularly use an at home doppler.

I kind of get the impression from her as a medical professional that the at home doppler creates more worry than relief.

As a PgAL'er I feel the exact opposite.

In another reality here's me without the doppler:

• Panicking and looking up symptoms, or lack thereof nearly every day
• Counting down desperately until each coming prenatal visit (as if I don't do that enough already!)
• Allowing my anxiety to max out and to eventually cave and call the OBGYN AT LEAST every other week, begging to be seen by someone to prove to me my baby is still alive
• Actual DREAD before each appointments after convincing myself that it's going to be another terrible appointment
• Countless fights with my husband due to my increased stress level during pregnancy... sad but true
• Probably way more nightmares than I already have about having another loss, and without the reassurance of the doppler when I wake up I wouldn't be able to forget them so easily

But here's why I haven't told my midwife...

I'm afraid of being talked down to. That I'm just one of those CRAZY pregnant ladies who buys every gadget she can get her hands on in order to feel better about her pregnancy. The one who will call in a panic when she hasn't found the baby on the doppler insisting on needing an appointment that day...

I feel like instead of being understood, I would be lectured on the lack of the need of a doppler, or that they're somehow dangerous for baby (which I don't think is true).

Does this all make sense? Why I haven't told?

But rest easy my friends, I plan to pave the way for other doppler users in the future. I fully plan on telling my midwife later on in the pregnancy that I wouldn't have been able to make it to the point that I'm at without the doppler. That the simple device saved me so much anxiety. So many phone calls to the midwife. And probably saved my insurance a bunch of money too... hey maybe these should be covered by insurance!

If you're even THINKING about buying a doppler, I say do it.

(I talk about my doppler A LOT I realize this... but I've never given my full love story)