More Salt: 12 Days In

It's hard to blog and be a new mom at the same time! But right now, Nolan is sleeping contently in his swing and I got a little more rest last night thanks to my husband and my breast pump.

Being a new mom is super hard. Definitely harder than I ever thought it could be. Mostly, it's the sleep depravation. I get up so many times in the middle of the night to feed Nolan and then when he falls asleep and I try to put him into his pack n play he wakes up and needs to be cuddled and held. He doesn't full on cry usually, but I can tell he's awake which keeps me awake.

Another thing that keeps me awake is the fear of SIDS. I have to check on him 2-3 times before I can relax enough to actually get some sleep. I have to make sure he's still breathing. I usually hold his little hands or play with his little feet to see if they kick or move. Yes, I realize that might contribute to him waking up, but the fear of SIDS is so engrained in me that I just don't feel like taking any chances.

Breastfeeding is going well with the exception of the fact that after he was born my nipples got so sore that they literally had scabs on them. So I have a nipple shield to use for feedings. I couldn't live without that thing honestly, and breastfeeding was torture without it. The lactation consultant was really reluctant to give it to me at first but I made it clear that it was far to painful to continue breastfeeding when I didn't have any protection. Even with the nipple shield at first, breastfeeding was painful. Now it's pretty painless. My milk came in on Thursday after having Nolan, same day as my appointment with the lactation consultant. Thank goodness. I think that was honestly my saving grace - getting milk in that is. It's been pretty easy to get Nolan interested in feeding and whenever he's full and gets all sleepy I like to say he's a "drunken sailor" because he just looks so silly and cute like he's milk drunk. I put him on my shoulder and burp him and if his eyes are closed and his head is pointed my way I just melt looking at his cute face.

My boobs have been leaking and at this point I'm just like "eff it" and don't even worry about the state of my clothes anymore. Yes, there are wet circles around my nipples but I've been home mostly and my husband doesn't care so I'm sloppy and doing the best I can to prevent the leaking but it happens.

I'm trying to wean from the nipple shield, so on Tuesday I went to the lactation consultant to discuss how to do this. Of course with her assistance I was able to get Nolan to latch and do a full 25-30 minute feeding on one side. Now I try that on my own and I'm torturing him! So I'm trying to slowly but surely reintroduce him to the plain nipple and see if he'll latch. So far no luck.

Today was my first outing since Nolan, and it was solo. I wanted to go to the store and pick up a few more sleepers for him with long sleeves since at nighttime he doesn't like to be swaddled and his little arms are always cold. I planned on having it be a family outing with the husband, Nolan, and myself. But my husband suggested that I go on my own. It was really hard to leave him (Nolan that is - I can usually part ways with my husband without much drama... hehe!) it was my first time away from him and even though he had his dad to take care of him, it's hard for me to not worry that something is going wrong while I'm not there. I pumped before going so I knew he wouldn't go hungry.

I was only gone for 30ish minutes and it really felt good. I was able to do some of my own thing for the first time in 12 days. It was refreshing in a way. And probably the reason I have the energy to write today. I picked up $120 in baby items. Yes, it's super easy to spend money on this little guy. But it was stuff that I believe will help make it easier on me while I'm on leave - and beyond.

Nolan's umbilical cord is still hanging on. Yesterday, I STUPIDLY noticed that it was hanging on by a thread and underneath was fresh blood - like you get when you pick a scab too soon. And I didn't like that so what do I do?? I put a Band-Aid on his little baby skin. OMG STUPID. Don't do this. The Band-Aid adhesive was so strong, I had to put vasoline on it to help "unstick" the adhesive. When I took the bandage off, it took a little strip of Nolan's skin along with it. Nolan was none-the-wiser, but I felt like the worlds worst mom.

Last weekend we got newborn pictures taken! I really loved this photographer for 1 main reason, the cost to have her come and take pictures included me getting all the images on a disk. I HATE the photography business plan where you have to pick and choose your photos and they're like $10-20 each on top of the fee you paid to get them to take the pictures in the first place. She did a really great job getting him posed and cute! Look at him, JUST LOOK!