Depressing Post

I'm just having a really bad day. Shittastic even. For really no effing reason! I just hate that I feel this way and that I've been on the verge of tears pretty much all day.

I feel really empty in my heart and it just plain sucks. It's been just over 5 weeks since my D&C and for the most part I've been handling this whole thing pretty well.

The waiting part for AF to come has me riding an emotional roller coaster. TMI is just a given on this blog so I'm just gonna come right out and say it... what's with spotting? Because on Monday it seemed like a little more than just a little bit of blood, but I only saw that quantity once... since then it's just been a teensy weensy dribble here and there of what looks like bloody CM.

Seriously, I want to curse out my ute for not cooperating.

I'm still in limbo between taking an HPT. On Monday there was still that faint effing line there. If I still see it, let's be honest, tomorrow morning (instead of Monday morning) I'm going to want to go in for blood work again and see WTF is up?

On a related note... the only thing that makes me feel happy at this time is getting back into trying. I am two people right now: one trying to get pregnant again, and one trying to avoid. Those bitches be crazy. They fight constantly in my head.

GO FOR IT!

This picture is soooo appropriate hehe

WAIT YOU IDIOT

I don't know what I'll end up doing, but whenever I get a clue that I'm fertile - I'm pretty sure that I'll throw caution to the wind and just go for it. I hate that I have such little self control!

But we need AF to show up first. That bitch is only late when it's to drive me up the freaking wall.