Tuesday, October 23, 2012

What Changes Us

Sometimes I really notice major changes in my personality compared to my post-loss self.

One of the biggest things that I've noticed is that I'm way more emotional and can be triggered easily. It's as if my range of emotions grew in a big way since I found out I was pregnant and then lost a baby. In that way, I do understand the parentist people who try to push the "you don't know love til you've had a baby" message in your face.

I guess I notice this mostly when I'm watching TV or reading the news. Those stories that once had a minor impact now can send me over the edge.

I guess this, in a way, is what being a mother is all about. Does that make me parentist even though I don't actually have a take home baby?

I find fear in things that otherwise were unrealistic (ie Walking Dead)
I cry at things that didn't before (ie certain commercials?!)
Those little things don't bother me anymore. And they used to seem so big... How did this all change in a snap for me?

The hardest thing that I've found is putting these changes into words. I've had this blog post in my head now for months after I started realizing these changes. Even still the words I've written don't make a whole lot of sense. But it's an overall feeling of being different.

What's changed you since TTCAL or your own journey in TTC?


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5 comments:

  1. KateOctober 23, 2012 at 10:49 AM

    The petty "friendships" that you thought were so tight and firm... I guess this comes from shifting priorities and the "big stuff" being not so big now...

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  2. DOctober 23, 2012 at 11:56 AM

    Stopping by from ICLW. Thanks for commenting on my blog the other day. :) I think the biggest change for me has been my increased feelings of jealousy. I am so jealous of "normal" women who have gotten pregnant without trouble or losses and then have gone on to have uneventful pregnancies. I also feel like I notice every single pregnant person whereas before I was TTC, I didn't care. Being pregnant has not changed that for me either and I totally thought it would. I still feel...different. I understand how you feel and I am glad that you have gotten those feeling out. Writing in my blog has definitely helped me. Hang in there.

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  3. Our Journey Through This Lovely LifeOctober 23, 2012 at 12:06 PM

    Jealousy for me too..I see a pregnant teen..and think in my head she better run or I am going to give her a piece of my mind! Ugh.. OMG I just noticed your ticker counter on the side I LOVE it I have one on my phone that I check like every 4 hours haha.. right now I am 8 days 18 hours 54 minutes and 2 seconds until my beta!! :)

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  4. AnOctober 23, 2012 at 1:31 PM

    The jealousy. I never thought I was a jealous person, but seeing baby bumps everywhere made me realize how truly jealous I can be.

    I also think I'm a better friend now than I used to be. A friend of mine recently lost his 24-year-old daughter and instead of just saying sorry once (like I probably would have pre-loss), I've been checking in on him every week or so. (Not looking for praise; just explaining.)

    I cry more; I've lost friends who I thought were my BFFs; I've become less tolerant of people's BS. (Okay, specifically my MIL, but still.)

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  5. LisaOctober 23, 2012 at 5:23 PM

    Thanks so much for stopping by my blog today! I look forward to following your journey. And those so-called friendships really show their true colors when going through something like this. Thinking of you on your journey! ICLW

    ReplyDelete

You is kind. You is smart. And you is important.

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