Emotions

Ok - so I went to the doctor today... I was nervous because I haven't had my legit period now for like 40+ days.  I talked to her and as much as she calmed me down, my nerves and stress triggered some emotions that are still bleeding out of me right now.

First of all, she said what I'm experiencing is normal.  And sometimes it can take longer than 3 months to get back to normal.  She gave me a pregnancy test, just to make sure, told me it was negative and we moved on.  She told me that in 2 months if I still don't get a normal cycle she'll test me for PCOS. 

I guess there's some strong latent fears in me right now becuase I am a sobbing mess right now.  I don't know if I am going to ever be able to have kids and I know that's dramatic saying that right now seeing as how I've never actually tried to have a baby... but at this point it's scary as fuck not knowing.  When I get pregnant and even moreso when I've actually had my future baby - maybe then I'll calm down.  But right now I'm so flustered and upset.

I feel alone.