A Future With An Asterisk

I've been watching the lines on those sticks get more and more pink every day. I feel so lucky that I'm pregnant again but I'm also scared out of my mind.

As you saw in my below 2 posts, I told my sister over the weekend. It also ended up me spilling the beans to my cousins. My sister I told on purpose. My cousins I just let them figure it out. They're smart. Let my lay ou the scene for you:

Tailgating:

In case you don't know... tailgating is awesome. It's basically an all day, binge drinking phenomenon where you can chug beers in front of a cop, or play flippy cup with strangers and make friends! Of course that whole drinking thing isn't conducive to the whole being pregnant thing. Basically here's what happened:

Cousin K: "Weaslewam" do you want a beer *wink*
Me: Noooo.....
Cousin K: I KNEW IT!!!

It was great fun although I'll tell you the inappropriate stories of your terrible birth are escalated BIG TIME when you've been drinking. At least that was the experience I had with my cousin. I think I literally blocked them out of my head, all I can remember is crossing my legs so tight and hitting her on the arm telling her to STOP!

Ohhhh but I know it's worth it. I'm not complaining, I know all that stuff is probably going to happen. But I'll spare the details here today.

What I did notice is that we were talking about our future with the family get togethers and such. My family doesn't have much of a "let's get together" attitude unless someone gets married or dies. Hmmm not the best thing ever. But the entire day we were talking about having an annual tailgate. EXCELLENT IDEA!

"But you'll have a 3 month old by that time" they say...

Asterisk.

You know when you're reading some publication and they put a little asterisk with a disclaimer at the bottom of the page? Well that may as well be my life right now. My life and my future has an asterisk on July 2013.

Best case scenario: Things go beautifully and my pregnancy progresses as it should and I have a healthy baby in July 2013. In super dream land best case scenario, the baby pops out while I'm on the toilet and I'm like "wait, I was in labor that whole time?" and we all laugh about the story for years to come.

We all know the worst case scenario.

"Assuming everything goes well." I say in response.

I get the reassurance that things will be ok this time as if they have a crystal ball. Or the conversation takes an awkward turn when I mention that I should have been 8 months pregnant right now.

But today I am pregnant and I love my baby.

4 Week Questionnaire:

1. How far along?: 4 weeks and 3 days
2. How big is baby?: The size of a poppyseed apparently! Super tiny!!! -----> . <----- li="li" that="that" tiny="tiny">
3. Weight gain?: Not that I've noticed. Maybe a little bloated in my fingers because my rings don't go on and off like the usually do.
   
4. Stretch marks?: Nope, but I'll probably get them... YIKES!
5. Maternity clothes?: I'm not wearing them, but last time I was pregnant I started buying stuff from eBay. I just yesterday opened my pregnancy box which was filled to the brim with books and clothes that I hid away because I was post-loss. Kind of crazy to remember exactly how much shit I bought last time around! And I was barely 12 weeks (or so I thought)
6. Best moment last week?: Obviously waking up in the middle of the night and testing and seeing that faint BFP!
   
7. Food cravings?: No, but luckily I've been able to eat anything I want right now. I'm trying to make the healthiest decisions possible.
8. Symptoms?: SLIGHTLY sore nipples. But I can't tell if that's just in my mind or if it's actually different than normal.
   
9. Exercise?: Going for walks or doing some sort of light cardio daily is in my plan. Maybe step up to a more intense workout like 2 times a week.
   
10. Gender?: My guess is that it's a boy.
11. Movement?: Yes, like 40 kicks this hour... totally kidding. No I can't feel anything yet!
12. Belly button?: it's there.
13. What I miss?: Caffeine and alcohol. Neither of which I'm addicted to, but it's nice to have the occasional cup of coffee in the morning or beer after work!
    
14. Labor signs?: *laughing*
15. What I'm looking forward to?: Honestly, I can't wait til I feel nauseous.
16. Different this time: I think my BFP was stronger this time around than it was last time. That might just be in my mind though.