UPDATE: PgAL Anxiety

I've had this post in my head the past few days but I just kept hoping this feeling would pass. I'm really anxious. Not in the kid waiting for Christmas morning anxious - but the I'm doomed to have another miscarriage anxious.

I feel so ungrateful that I'm pregnant when I know that there are so many that follow my blog that are still trying and yet I feel this way.

What has happened:

• I have POAS every day since my BFP just to make sure it's still getting darker
• I keep taking my temperature every morning just to make sure it hasn't gone down... and since I'm sick with a cold right now I suspect I'm doing a lot of mouth breathing which causes me to panic when my temperature is far lower than it was the day before.
• I wake up every night between 1-3am. This itself isn't new for me, I usually get up to pee in the middle of the night, but now I can't go back to sleep. Last night I was up for about 2 hours.
• I have had nightmares - over and over again (like 2+ in the same night) that I go to the bathroom and I see blood in the toilet.

So what am I doing:

• I'm being my own advocate with my doctor, I asked that I get a quantitative HCG test when I first found out I was pregnant but they refused saying that a urine test was enough. So I emailed them this morning saying that I'm anxious and this would put my mind at ease... we'll see how that goes.
• I called a counselor this morning. I decided I wanted to see a different one than I saw post-loss because she kind of rubbed me the wrong way. So the call has been placed, I explained my situation (tearfully on the phone to the receptionist I might add) and now I wait to see what they say about getting me in for an appointment.
• Blogging about this anxiety... getting it out there I guess. It's therapeutic in a way.

I know for the most part my followers aren't PgAL which is why I feel kind of like I want to start yet another blog with people that are also in a similar situation, however I feel like the story needs to keep going on with this blog. I still remind myself that "Today I am pregnant and I love my baby" and that does calm me down some.

I can't wait to get symptoms that confirm that I am still pregnant - nausea: bring it on, sore boobs: make me suffer! Seriously bring it on, I'm ready to handle it.

UPDATE: I may have to fire my PCP (primary care physician, not the drug). I sent a message first thing this morning, called at 10:30am and have since been ignored. I called the OBGYN who did my D&C (yes, going around my PCP) and they made it seem like it would be no big deal to order these tests. I basically said everything the exact same way to each receptionist but the OBGYN one seemed sympathetic and understanding whereas my PCP really couldn't have given a crap either way.

Also, I left work early today because I'm sick. I do NOT like being sick. I get bratty.