Post loss, it's incredibly easy to just let yourself go into a dark path and really let yourself think negatively. Believe me, I have those negative thoughts, but today and yesterday - those thoughts were overpowered.
I have a few things to remind myself for when we start TTC again:
- It didn't take you long at all to get pregnant last time.
- While you have suffered a loss, the odds of that happening again are the same as if you'd never had a loss to begin with.
- Think BIG PICTURE (you could be pregnant in 6 months!!!) that doesn't seem that far away, and by then you'll be far better healed emotionally than you are right now.
- You are getting more and more healthy every day, working out and eating right is only going to make your body a better home for a baby... don't rush it!
- You have great friends in real life that have suffered from miscarriage and went on to have beautiful healthy babies!
- No matter what, you will find a way to have a baby. (Adoption is never off the table)
"You'll find that when you do get pregnant and have a baby in the future, you'll understand that was the baby you were meant to have. I know it doesn't seem clear right now." - E, a friend of mine who had an ectopic (paraphrased after a talk we had the week of the miscarriage)
I'm also very fortunate that I have amazing health insurance. I realize now that my insurance will cover maternity care 100% without copays. I haven't seen a single bill for the D&C or the follow up visits. I can only imagine what kind of burden that must feel like when you receive a bill for thousands of dollars to have a procedure that you didn't want to have, but it was necessary...
I'm still very thankful that I have found great women, who share in this experience, online. If this were even 20 years ago, I don't think I would have found the same support.
I hope that this positivity will be kept up but I honestly know that I'm going to be depressed about my loss again. But when that time comes, I'm going to be able to look back on this post and remember what I feel now and how I can keep positive going forward.
go you, and on a Monday morning to boot! =)
ReplyDeleteI really like all the reminders you have for TTC again (and the people IRL who have experienced similar, if not the exact same thing - keeps growing and growing - and the most recent has two beautiful boys.)
so, thanks for keeping all our chins up!
Dang! I need to get a job at ISU. I'm still paying off when Liam was born!
ReplyDeleteOn another note, keep positive. You have better days ahead of you.. I just know it. :)