Overwhelmed

I have just been so overwhelmed with work stuff in the past 2 days that I've hardly had time to even think about TTA/TTC. It's hard to believe that it's been nearly 8 weeks since my D&C and it's even harder to really think about where I SHOULD be if things were going according to plan.

Somehow I've let myself "forget" the exact number of weeks that I should be, although I can typically calculate it pretty quickly in my head because the numbers are so fresh. They say that you're really over something, like a relationship, when you lose track of time that's passed since the event. I'm not losing track though because it feels too much like I'm forgetting about the baby that we lost and it's hard to forget about her and where I should be.

Hardly...

About 2 weeks ago I went to a counselor and had sobfest 2012 part 2 (part 1 obviously being the loss sobfest). It was the kind of crying that makes your jaw hurt and you get a headache because of dehydration. It's unbelievable how sometime you think that you're doing ok but then something pulls it all out of you.

Overall, I think seeing a counselor has been 100% helpful. And in fact before my last appointment I figured that I didn't even need to go anymore because I hadn't been crying during my appointments. But now I've decided that I'm going to keep going. I think it's been great for me emotionally and honestly it's been great for my marriage.

For example: they say that one of the most stressful times in your life is when you're moving. Since we just moved into a brand new house and since we're first time homeowners, I assumed, pre-counseling, that I would probably flip out once or twice with my husband. Instead of flipping out and having big long drawn out arguments, I've been able to just communicate what I need. The instance that I think stands out is when my husband wanted to pack up his car with some boxes and move them to the house the day before the movers were going to come. The house was still a mess in my opinion and I needed help boxing things up. B didn't think that there even was anything else to pack and he started getting a little short with me. I kept my cool and just told him "It will help me more if you pack boxes instead of moving things right now."

GRRRRR

I didn't flip my lid. That, honestly, could have turned into a 1 hour argument that results in frustration on both our ends and one or both of us saying something that we don't mean. I don't mean to sound crazy but sometimes I get stressed out and let my emotions take over. Ultimately the person that takes the brunt of it is my husband unfortunately. Why does he still love me again?

I'm glad that we pretty much went through this move without so much as an annoyed look, at least not on my end. Maybe counseling takes the crazy out of me?

Tonight I'm seeing my counselor again. I should really prepare myself by taking some tylenol right now! Haha. 

After purchasing this house a part of me feels much more settled and I feel a lot happier overall. I can't wait to fill it up with little rugrats though!