CD15: I've got friends in low places

The CBEFM is still reading low. My temps are still low. So all signs are that I'm still in baby making territory.

Heat wasn't so much of a problem last night as I smartly turned on the A/C even though it was much cooler than it was 2 nights ago! YIKES. The kind of stupid thing about TTCAL, or TTC in general, is that there is a lot of magic sucked out of the baby making process. It's all science and thermometers and cervical mucous... It's "why am I spotting?" and "what does this slightly higher temp mean?"... and unfortunately the vag olympics also requires a little assistance from time to time.

Why do I bring this up? Well, last night the heat wasn't the cock block, it was my body that just didn't want to get it on after having a big Come to Jesus meeting with the hubs... it was a "why don't you ever grieve the loss?" or "why do I feel so alone in this loss" discussion... er... maybe a screaming/crying match with mascara running down my face.

I'll admit, I said some things that I wish I hadn't... calling him soulless seemed a bit harsh.

But after a long battle with the hubs (which ended well... we're not headed for divorce court or anything) I think he finally realized he needs to be more supportive of me. Yesterday would have been the 6 month mark of my pregnancy and I don't think it was that necessarily that set me off, but rather an emotional blog post I put on my public blog. I realized that I don't really have anyone IRL to talk to about the loss and that's really hard. It hurt and I felt alone yesterday.

I felt a little less alone when, after watching a movie, the hubs wanted to get it on. Buuuuuuut I was tired and still slightly annoyed at what happened earlier.

You know what I'm talkin' about, Willis.

He and I both want a baby and this is where the BD turns into just that... a BD. Not "making love" or whatever sappy nonsense you want to call it. It was strictly business. At least for me. So when I suggested bringing out the lube the hubs was really apprehensive. I think there's something about the male ego that just really wants to work up the girl so she's just CRAVING him or something.

Well between you and me... I've used lube A LOT recently but this was the first time I told him about it.

That's right, Pre-Seed. You ladies know what I'm talking about. The injection tubes or whatever you want to call them. You put that stuff right in there... you can do it before initiating sex even and when it's game time your man is like, "oh wow, you're really into this"... "oh yeah" you reply thinking you'll have to thank the academy for this acting award.

Now I'm not saying that I don't enjoy sex. That's the super opposite of how I feel! I sometimes need a little help. There, I said it. Sometimes the vag olympics is a little rough and if I can get some assistance from science without hurting the hubs ego... well I'm going to do that. From now on, I'll just have to make sure I'm ready to roll before hitting the sheets.